Tuesday, May 05, 2009
The moment things changed?
People have told me that as the Father, it won't be until I actually hold my son in my arms that the enormity of what has happened will finally hit me. I'm sure this is true - indeed, beyond watching a seemingly endless stream of baby clothes, furinture and devices come into my home the pregnancy hasn't really changed much for me. I've attended classes and read books, made playlists for him to listen to something other than people talking to his Mother, and researched 529 college savings plans....but my way of thinking really hadn't changed. This is why it came as such a shock to me as I was standing in the toy isle at Target tonight with the incredibly freakin' awesome new starship Enterprise toy in my hand....and was completely unable to put it in my basket. At any point in my previous 11,360 days on this planet I wouldn't have thought twice about buying that toy starship, taken it home, put batteries in it so the nacelles would light up and proudly display it on a shelf somewhere. Tonight however, it just didn't make sense. Why am I about to spend $30 on this thing, which frankly ain't that much different from the Enterprise-A model I already have sitting on a shelf somewhere? That money could go towards about a million more important things for my family.....so I put it back on the shelf. I walked away feeling a strange mix of disappointment (my life is totally over!) and accomplishment (finally getting serious eh Morgan?!) but took some comfort in the fact that there was nothing to stop me from taking my Enterprise-E model (which is the ship I like better anyway) off the shelf and flying it around the house for a while. I have no intention of letting the child change who I am at heart, but I also have no intention of putting myself before him and his needs in any situation. Besides maybe he'll ask for this Enterprise for Christmas one year and I'll have no problem putting it in the basket :)