Saturday, May 31, 2008

Dreams can be meaningful

Like most people, I'm not the type to remember my dreams all that well, but I thought I'd comment on one that I had the other night, as it was short but sweet. So, in my dream I'm standing in front of a great castle (it may have been the castle from Monty Python and the Holy Grail) and thinking to myself that I need to get to the top to rescue the princess. As I near the castle, I see my fellow Pre-Press droid Jody in front holding a basket of bread. She says to me "Here, take this - you'll need it" and hands me a slice of Pumpernickel. Bread in hand, I charge into the castle, ready to vanquish any who would oppose me. Sure enough, a guard in full Knight armor stands in my way - he takes a swing at me with his sword, which I manage to avoid. Then I counter by hitting him square in the face with my mighty slice of bread. He goes down like a ton of bricks. I begin to laugh hysterically, and then proceed to laugh so hard that I wake myself up laughing. I become aware that I am not in fact in the castle anymore but in my bedroom with Allison standing over me asking me why I'm laughing so hard. Tears steaming down my face, I proceed to tell her the story of my hard-fought battle with the Knight, and how I emerged victorious. She says something like "That's nice baby, have a good day" kisses me and leaves for work. I continue to laugh like a maniac for another 2 minutes or so.

So if we were to analyze this dream, what would the conclusion be? I am at a loss, but I do know that if you see me with bread in my hand you better not mess with me, or you'll be sorry.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Hillary, please just go away...

Earlier Friday afternoon, Clinton told the editorial board of the Sioux Falls, South Dakota, Argus Leader that "My husband did not wrap up the nomination in 1992 until he won the California primary somewhere in the middle of June, right? We all remember Bobby Kennedy was assassinated in June in California. I don't understand it," she said.

Done. I'm done with her. No more benefits of the doubt. No more "well politics is a rough sport" so she gets a pass when she says something nasty about a fellow Democrat, no more tolerating the vile undertone of racism with her "working white people vote for me" schtick while simultaneously calling herself the victim of sexism in the media, no more moving the goalposts as to what constitutes a win in this nomination battle, no more "caucus states, small states, red states don't matter" garbage, no more flip-flops on Florida and Michigan. That's it, I've had it. At best, invoking the memory of one of this nations most horrific moments displays a complete lack of judgement that does not befit a President. At worst, she has just said she is hanging around this nomination process just in case Obama gets shot. Disgusting.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Cottage Doubles! Sweet!

So, apparently I was the last person on the planet to know that you can put yummy fruit topping on cottage cheese. Why didn't someone tell me about this before? These things are freakin' awesome! My favorite so far would have to be the Raspberry, with Strawberry a close second. I feel like this is one of those things that if only I'd thought of it first I could be seriously wealthy right now. Fruit.....and cottage cheese!!! Incredible!! And who doesn't love cottage cheese?

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Remind me never to set one foot in West Virginia...


Actual quotes from West Virginians told to reporters during yesterdays's ok though, because they said they aren't racist at all!

"I guess because he is another race, I'm sort of scared of the other race. Cuz we have so much conflict with them."
- Wanda Gibson, undecided voter in WV

"I want someone who is a full-blooded American as president."
- Josh Fry, a 24-year-old ambulance driver from Williamson, who "insisted he was not racist."

"I heard that Obama is a Muslim and his wife's an atheist."
- Leonard Simpson, a West Virginia Democrat.

"I don't think it's being racist necessarily, they just don't like black people that well. The arrogance and all bothers me more than black, but black is a close second."
- West Virginia voter R.K. Horton

"White people look out for white people, black people look out for black people."
- Union organizer, just across the border in Pittsburgh

"[Obama] takes the cake, because of, you know, who he is."
- Eric Hardy, 38, a former Democrat and president of the West Virginia Coon Hunters Association. Also, owner of Osama, Obama and Chelsea's Mama. sign.

Of course, West Virginia is over and done now. Next primary stop: Kentucky...

"I really don't want an African-American as President. I thought about it. I think he would put too many minorities in positions over the white race."
- J. K. Patrick, a retired state employee in Inez, Kentucky wearing a "Hillary: Smart Choice" button.

Congratulations West Virginia - you've just identified yourself as the most backward and ridiculous state in the nation. Also, memo to Hillary supporters - Obama can win "working class white voters" just fine. He won Idaho with 62% of the vote. I've lived in Idaho - trust me, Popeye's chicken is the only place you can find any soul food in that entire state, if you know what I mean. No, he's just going to have a hard time with the "working class white RACIST voters".

Screw off West Virginia - and take your lame-ass five electoral votes with you.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Love and marriage

Our 6th wedding anniversary is on Saturday, and nothing sums up what being married means quite like this response I got from my wonderful wife when I asked if we could replace our currently broken trash can with this little piece of awesomeness to the right. Her response:

"Not on your life."

And there you have it. For the benefit of those nerds reading this who are still single, here's some advice: stay that way. Is the prospect of companionship, sex and financial security worth not being able to buy an R2-D2 trash can when the need arises? It's a tough call to be sure, but right now I'm leaning towards a pretty solid no.

Saturday, May 03, 2008

A brief recap...

In case you haven't been paying attention to what's been going on lately....

Friday, May 02, 2008

This is what happens when you gamble....

When the Avalanche beat the Wild last week to advance to the second round of the NHL playoffs, they earned a matchup with the Red Wings. Now, the Avs and Red Wings HATE each other (a good history of the feud can be found here, although it's more than a little biased towards the Wings), and the fans take their cue from the teams. So when it became apparent that they were going to play in the playoffs for the first time in 6 years, I marched right on down to the office of our Managing Editor, Sally Mahan to let her know what I thought of her team, her city, her fellow fans and that stupid octopus. A little trash talk ensued, and before I knew it a wager was being made. Whoever's team lost the series had to wear the opponents jersey at work on Friday. Now, when I made that bet I thought the Avs had a great chance to win, but before the series even started Forsberg got hurt, then Stasny went down, then Ryan Smyth - and freakin' José Theodore had the flu during the first two games. By the end of the series the Wings were pretty much playing the Denver All-Stars, and swept Colorado accordingly 4 games to none. As a man of my word, I showed up to her office this morning to suffer the consequences of losing my poorly-timed wager. I wasn't nearly as happy as I appear to be in this photo. Seriously - that hideous looking jersey burned my skin. Disgusting.