Sunday, May 13, 2007

LOST (Jasper county edition)

So I stepped outside to call Mom today and wish her a happy Mother's day. While talking, I found myself wandering into the woods protected wetlands behind my house and discovered a path that had been cleared - some manner of vehicle had obviously been through at one point or another. I followed the path for almost a quarter of a mile, all the way to where I could hear the traffic on HWY 170. I turned around and headed back towards the house, still talking to Mom. Well, in the midst of my conversation with her, I completely forgot that I had not been on the path the entire time - I had found it in the middle of the forest - and instead of remembering where I got on the path, just kept following said path. After walking for about 10 minutes it dawned on me that I should have been back at my house by then, but instead was deeper into the forest looking at trees that I'd never seen before.

Yes - I was lost.

Less than a quarter of a mile from my own house.

I told Mom I had to call her back to give my full attention to trying to find my way out. She said she'd give me an hour then she was going to send in the National Guard in after me and hung up (in case you were wondering, I couldn't call Allison because I was using her phone. My BlackBerry has died and I'm awaiting a new one from work. Not that I would have called her anyway and have her laugh at me, but we were supposed to leave to go to lunch and see a movie, so I would have called her to tell her I was going to be a little late....). Anywho, I followed the path all the way until it ended and deposited me directly onto someone's property. It was a small yellow trailer, and I vaguely remembered seeing it on Old Bailey Road (the road behind our neighborhood) but I didn't really feel like walking through some dudes backyard so I turned around and got back on the path. I figured that if that trailer was on Old Bailey road, then I must need to go in a north-easterly direction. Not having any bloody clue which way that meant going from my current position, I looked at the sun and tried to reason out which way to go. I headed off from the path, wondering how long it would take Allison to notice that I was missing, and if they'd ever find my body deep in the wilderness of Jasper county.

After about 10 minutes I thought I had a breakthrough - I could see a light-blue building through the tree line, and hoped that I was looking at one of my neighbors houses. As I got closer however, I saw that it was instead a huge warehouse that I'd never seen before at all, not on Old Bailey road or anywhere else. Now I was starting to get a little freaked out, so I decided that I would turn around and try to find my way back to the path. I finally did so, and followed it all the way back to where it ended. I could hear the cars on 170, so I took off in that direction. After another few minutes, I finally saw the road. I stumbled out of the woods and onto the side of the road on 170. I had actually exited before the trailer park that is about an eighth of a mile before you get to the entrance of Okatie Park. Not really feeling like taking my chances again in the greenwood, I walked down the road and finally came to the entrance of my neighborhood. As I was doing the walk of shame back to my house, I called Mom to let her know I was alive. She sounded relieved, but there was a definite "geez what a retard" tone to her voice.

Two things I'm going to take away from this experience:

1. Just like while driving, it's not the talking on the cell phone that causes accidents; it's the conversation itself.

2. Whenever you leave the house, bring your GPS. Every time. To that end, I really need one of these.


Allison Bonner said...

well, you should have taken the compass that i bought for you...oh wait, you lost it...

mom said...

Stop! Please stop!, I'm laughing so hard tears are starting. I know you guys don't remember comedians George Burns and Gracie Allen, (both departed) but after reading this blog I now believe reincarnation is possible. Although, I think it was Gracie who was lost in the woods.

Bill Wheatley said...

LOL morgan i love you. You are such a dork. What about all our survival training in the woods of bishopville have you forgotten it all?? Geesh!

Anonymous said...

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Morgan Bonner said...