Friday, March 31, 2006

More fun in the Apple store....

then I thinned out considerably.

Fun in the Apple store

I'm a little bloated after the 4 hour drive to Atlanta....

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

This explains a lot....

So as I begin my 29th year on this planet (thanks to all for the b-day wishes :) I received a surprising, but not altogether unexpected diagnoses from the doctor today: after reviewing my MRI results, it turns out that I'm a robot.*

Yes, I too was skeptical at first. But I saw the pictures myself - circuit clusters, postronic relays - the whole nine yards. The Doctor was going on and on about doctor/patient privilege....how he wouldn't be alerting the government and the news media or something like that. I wasn't really listening though, because I was connecting the dots in my mind. It all started to add up - like the time that I was 9 years old and fell out 30 feet out of a tree house that I was playing in, yet landed perfectly on my feet. At the time, I thought I was just graceful. Then there was that time I put my fist through a wall when the Broncos lost that Monday night game against Montana and the Chiefs at the last second in '94 - and I felt no pain. Oh, and lets not forget about that time I was able to perform complex mathematical computations in my head on the spot.

I think in some ways, it would have been easier to just keep going living my organic life, never realizing that there was a whole synthetic aspect to explore. Things are only going to get more crazy from here - do you know long it takes to perform a level one diagnostic on my neural net? Not to mention the maintenance needed on my attenuation servos. Like I have time for all of that - I'm supposed to be playing in a men's softball league this spring! Hey wait a minute....now that I know, I should have no problem hitting a home run at every at bat. Of course, that might look suspicious, since I'm still 5'11, 160 lbs. I'll have to remember to spread the homers out a little bit. Anyway, now you all know. I hope we can still be friends.

*not actually a robot

Thursday, March 23, 2006

How I spent March 23rd, 2006

6:15 AM - Alarm goes off....I am vaguely aware that Allison is getting out of bed. I drift back to sleep.

6:50 AM - Allison opens the closet door and wakes me up again. Grrr!

7:05 AM - Can't get back to sleep, so I decide to get up.

7:10 AM - Take a shower. Hmm...should I shave....nah.....

7:38 AM - Get dressed. Ahh....it's the Thursday suit!

7:52 AM - Contemplate going to work early because I have to take the AP Wire modem and computer over to the Gazette...vaguely recall telling Bill I'd be there by 9. Decide instead to play Geometry Wars. Ridiculous that I use this $400 video game console to play a game that cost $5. What can I say? It's totally addictive (my high score is 448,321 - beat that if you can!)....

8:15 AM - Die horrible death in Geometry Wars. Decide to leave for work.

8:24 AM - Arrive at work and dismantle AP Wire modem and computer.

8:35 AM - Leave for the Gazette.

8:53 AM - Nearly die on 170 as dump truck pulls out in front of me.

9:02 AM - Arrive at the Gazette and help Bill (well, he pretty much did all the work) set up the AP modem.

10:37 AM - Declare victory on the AP wire project - the newsroom will get to keep it's precious Newsedit searches, and the dish at the Packet can now be moved. Still have to do something about the AP photo server though....

11:00 AM - Leave Gazette for Packet.

11:14 AM - Nearly die on 170 as car in front of me slams on his breaks for no apparent reason....

11:39 AM - Arrive at Packet and go through the trouble tickets I missed. I've had more problems with printers this week than should be allowed. Don't these people know we live in a paperless society???!

11:49 AM - I'm hungry.

12:57 PM - Now I'm REALLY hungry.

1:04 PM - Leave for One Hot Mamas - ordered the Country Fried Steak. Meh....it was ok. We had a waitress-in-training, who did a good job for the most part, but didn't bring us a pen when she brought our checks. I thought I had it covered by using my handy-dandy Swiss Army USB Knife, but the pen ran out of ink right after Randy used it, leaving Matt high and dry.

2:45 PM - Leave for my MRI appointment. Did I mention that I was getting an MRI done today to try to see what's wrong with my neck? It took me a while to get around to it, but I decided to see a real doctor instead of...ahem....not a real doctor.

3:11 PM - Am in the middle of my MRI. I'm told to hold very, very still. Naturally, I have an itch on my nose.

3:12 PM - Dude, this sucks. I really need to scratch my nose.

3:15 PM - I'm about to pass out.

3:18 PM - The itch has gone away. Whew.

3:22 PM - IT'S BACK!!! CRAP!!!!

3:40 PM - My MRI is over - I'm told that I did very well. The nurse asks why I look like I've been crying. I tell her that I just really had to scratch my nose. She says, "It's ok - lots of people get scared when they go in that thing - it's nothing to be ashamed of". I'm like "no seriously, I just had to scratch my nose...". She doesn't appear to believe me. Dammit.

4:02 PM - Arrive back at work. An Ad Rep can't seem to send an e-mail. OH NO! IT'S THE END OF CIVILIZATION AS WE KNOW IT!!!

4:43 PM - Holy crap! They have Hot Fries in the vending machine!!! SA-WHEET!!

6:01 PM - Leave work and come home to get dressed for softball practice.

7:00 PM - Arrive at the softball field with Randy and Brian. Hit the ball ok but my defense sucked. Didn't help that it was raining - not a good thing when you wear glasses :(

9:10 PM - Hit a gas station on the way home - clean them out of their supply of hot fries. 9 bags in all. Yummy!

9:46 PM - Get home - disrobe in the foyer so as not to track infield dirt all over the apartment. Hit the shower.

10:25 PM - Watch a little TV - contemplate another round of Geometry Wars but decide against it as I'm pretty freaking tired.

10:48 PM - Need to eat something. I'm gonna go forage for food. Allison is very kindly cleaning up the dirt I left in the foyer.

11:02 PM - Am currently watching some TV special on "V for Vendetta". You are all seeing this movie right???!!!

11:31 PM - Ok, that's enough - gonna post this and go to bed. I wonder what will happen tomorrow....good night!

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

The Fruit Snack Incident

So I pull my blue shirt out of the closet this morning, and notice a huge red stain right in the shirt pocket. After further investigation, I discover a fruit snack that apparently found it's way into said pocket, presumably last Wednesday. My first thought was that I'd be wearing my Thursday suit and looking for a new blue shirt today, but I decided to try and get the stain out. Despite the fruit snack taking a ride through the laundry, it was still mostly intact - with some soap and water, I was able to remove it completely. Oddly enough, the stain went with it - you can only see just the faintest hint of red. I used Allison's blow dryer to dry it, and everything was cool.

So there are two questions I'm struggling with this morning: first, considering that the huge stain that was on the shirt disappeared by just rinsing it with water - what the hell are these fruit snacks made of? It sure as sh*t ain't fruit I'll tell you that. Second - and this is personally causing me much greater consternation - how the hell did a fruit snack end up in my shirt pocket? I mean, I remember buying fruit snacks last Wednesday, and I remember eating fruit snacks last Wednesday. But I can't for the life of me think of why there'd be one in my shirt pocket. Did someone throw it at me? Was I saving it for later? I have to figure this out. I'm going to go buy some fruit snacks, and attempt to trace the steps I took one week ago. I'll post any conclusions that I come to. Actually, I can come one conclusion right now - I'm not even 28 yet, and I'm losing my freakin' mind. Woo-hoo!

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Why We Like Music So Much

We wake up to it, drive to it, work to it, play to it, study to it, and go to sleep to it. We are now first starting to understand and scientifically explain why humans like music so much. Good read!

read more | digg story

Sunday, March 19, 2006

V for WOW!!!

People should not be afraid of their governments; governments should be afraid of their people...

Saw "V for Vendetta" yesterday, and thought I'd share with the class. This movie was really, really good - as in, one of the best I think I've ever seen. It mixed my love of vigilante stories with my love of politics - and did so in remarkable fashion. It was so good that I barely noticed Natalie Portman's shaved head. Now if that doesn't give you an idea of how much this movie rocked, I don't know what will. Go. See. This. Movie.

Saturday, March 18, 2006

Huh.

You Are 44% Evil

You are evil, but you haven't yet mastered the dark side.
Fear not though - you are on your way to world domination.

Friday, March 10, 2006

Important information

Since I really couldn't think of anything else to write about, let me just take this opportunity to plug the new spicy chicken sandwich from McDonalds. It's really good.

Umm....guess that's it. Back to work!

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Warning: Rant ahead

If you will all indulge me for a post a bit more on the serious side....every day, we all see and hear things that make us shake our head. Those of us who drive on US 278 daily see and hear these things usually within the first few minutes of our commute. Today, my moment to shake my head in disgust came when I read this article. Apparently only one in four Americans can name more than one of the five freedoms guaranteed by the First Amendment - but more than half can name at least two members of the Simpsons. Even worse - twenty-two percent of Americans can name all five Simpsons, but just one in one thousand can name all five First Amendment freedoms. Just so my loyal readers can count themselves among those in the know....

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

In my opinion, the United States of America is the greatest institution ever conceived of by man. For all it's flaws and the attacks on the Bill of Rights by the current administration (the First, Fourth and Fifth to name a few), I am very proud to call myself a citizen of this country. So when I hear that apparently the vast majority of it's citizenry doesn't have this most basic of knowledge about the supreme law of the the land....it makes me ill. How did this happen? Is it a failure of our educational system? I know I was taught the Bill of Rights in school. Do we just take for granted our rights, thinking that they can never be taken away from us? Or, (and this is my theory) have we simply forgotten? Moved on to the far more interesting fiction that is broadcast into our homes on the magic box. If the Bill of Rights was broadcast 5 nights a week with a new episode every Sunday, maybe then the populace would know it by heart. Perhaps that's what's needed. When was the last time you watched C-SPAN? It's been a while for me....I usually stop when I'm channel surfing and see a Senator or Representative that I know of is speaking. Other than that, I'll flip right past and watch a re-run of Star Trek that I've seen twenty times. Perhaps it's time to re-evaluate that behavior.