So as I begin my 29th year on this planet (thanks to all for the b-day wishes :) I received a surprising, but not altogether unexpected diagnoses from the doctor today: after reviewing my MRI results, it turns out that I'm a robot.*
Yes, I too was skeptical at first. But I saw the pictures myself - circuit clusters, postronic relays - the whole nine yards. The Doctor was going on and on about doctor/patient privilege....how he wouldn't be alerting the government and the news media or something like that. I wasn't really listening though, because I was connecting the dots in my mind. It all started to add up - like the time that I was 9 years old and fell out 30 feet out of a tree house that I was playing in, yet landed perfectly on my feet. At the time, I thought I was just graceful. Then there was that time I put my fist through a wall when the Broncos lost that Monday night game against Montana and the Chiefs at the last second in '94 - and I felt no pain. Oh, and lets not forget about that time I was able to perform complex mathematical computations in my head on the spot.
I think in some ways, it would have been easier to just keep going living my organic life, never realizing that there was a whole synthetic aspect to explore. Things are only going to get more crazy from here - do you know long it takes to perform a level one diagnostic on my neural net? Not to mention the maintenance needed on my attenuation servos. Like I have time for all of that - I'm supposed to be playing in a men's softball league this spring! Hey wait a minute....now that I know, I should have no problem hitting a home run at every at bat. Of course, that might look suspicious, since I'm still 5'11, 160 lbs. I'll have to remember to spread the homers out a little bit. Anyway, now you all know. I hope we can still be friends.
*not actually a robot