Wednesday, March 29, 2006

This explains a lot....

So as I begin my 29th year on this planet (thanks to all for the b-day wishes :) I received a surprising, but not altogether unexpected diagnoses from the doctor today: after reviewing my MRI results, it turns out that I'm a robot.*

Yes, I too was skeptical at first. But I saw the pictures myself - circuit clusters, postronic relays - the whole nine yards. The Doctor was going on and on about doctor/patient privilege....how he wouldn't be alerting the government and the news media or something like that. I wasn't really listening though, because I was connecting the dots in my mind. It all started to add up - like the time that I was 9 years old and fell out 30 feet out of a tree house that I was playing in, yet landed perfectly on my feet. At the time, I thought I was just graceful. Then there was that time I put my fist through a wall when the Broncos lost that Monday night game against Montana and the Chiefs at the last second in '94 - and I felt no pain. Oh, and lets not forget about that time I was able to perform complex mathematical computations in my head on the spot.

I think in some ways, it would have been easier to just keep going living my organic life, never realizing that there was a whole synthetic aspect to explore. Things are only going to get more crazy from here - do you know long it takes to perform a level one diagnostic on my neural net? Not to mention the maintenance needed on my attenuation servos. Like I have time for all of that - I'm supposed to be playing in a men's softball league this spring! Hey wait a minute....now that I know, I should have no problem hitting a home run at every at bat. Of course, that might look suspicious, since I'm still 5'11, 160 lbs. I'll have to remember to spread the homers out a little bit. Anyway, now you all know. I hope we can still be friends.

*not actually a robot

3 comments:

Brian said...

As a member of said softball team, let me say you had me fooled. All those fly balls you dropped? A robot should have easily calculated the trajectory and speed of the ball and positioned itself perfectly at the landing point. Nice cover, especially since our 3rd baseman is an FBI agent.

Bill Wheatley said...
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Bill Wheatley said...

Happy bday bones.

Btw what did the MRI say? I had an MRI done when i was having neck issues and i pinched a nerve from sleeping in the car one night when i travelled to Maryland.

It eventually worked itself out but it freaked me out for awhile like blinding pain and chest pains and it was fun.