Sunday, February 12, 2006

Morgan gets a massage

So Allison cons talks me into going with her to get a couples massage at the European Day Spa on Hilton Head as our Valentines Day present to each other. She had gotten a gift certificate for Christmas, and invited me to go with her. She is no stranger to massages, but this was my first time. The idea of being rubbed down with oil by a complete stranger (and not in a sexy/porn kinda way) was not very appealing to me, but in the interest of trying new things I went along with it. Allison explains the ground rules to me before we go in - you go into the locker room, get completely undressed and put on a robe and slippers, then go out into the waiting room while you listen to relaxing music and wait for the masseuse to come and get you. Sounds silly, but simple enough. So I thought I was prepared. I make my way to the locker room, and get undressed. I found my robe and slippers, but after putting them on and then catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror - just felt completely ridiculous. If I could have gotten away with it, I'd have put my clothes back on and gotten the hell out of there. But, I told Allison I'd try I go to the waiting room. Oh, there's the relaxing music - too bad it wasn't relaxing enough to make me forget how much of a goof I looked like. I sat next to Allison, and still feeling quite stupid, waited for the inevitable. After about 20 minutes (!) I met the woman who was going to touch me in places that I don't even touch myself. We made our way to the room, and made a little small-talk. She and the other woman who was going to give Allison her massage left for a few minutes so we could get undressed and get under the covers on the bed. There's still time, I think to myself, to get the hell out of here....but I persevere. The woman comes back, and so it begins....and I'm still stressed out and feeling stupid. To make a long story short, she rubbed oil all over me, poked and prodded me just about everywhere, and when it was over I had to ask myself....what was the point of that? I didn't feel relaxed, my body didn't feel "loose" - in fact, all I did feel was icky. Maybe my masseuse was just having an off day, but I didn't get anything from her that I couldn't have gotten from Allison. Other than an annoying "apply pressure on my brain stem" move that really hurt - all she did was just rub me down. So, feeling completely used and really gross, I put my robe back on and followed Allison out of the room. She asked me if I wanted some water, but could tell that I really just wanted a shower very, very badly. In the locker room, I quickly discover that there's no soap - I guess they don't maintain the men's locker room the way they do the women's. Would it have killed them to have a bar of Zest handy? I end up using about half of a large bottle of shampoo to get all that oil off of me, and it really didn't do the job. So after a while I just gave up and tried to towel as much of that crap off of me as I could. I got dressed and met Allison at the door. I had a far more sane rest of the day, and did thoroughly enjoy my shower when I got home.

I tried it, I can say I tried it, and that's great. I can also say that while it may be a thing that other people enjoy, it's just not my thing. Turns out I much prefer to be aquatinted with the people who rub me all over with scented oil. Who woulda thought that huh?


Bill Wheatley said...

Goofball lol. I have never gone to a place like that to get a massage. But when i worked at we used to get massages everyweek. The lady who did it is named Reina and shes such a nice lady from argentina. I've known her going on 4 years now and i have been goign to her house for massages for years. I dont think i would like a public place either. But the pain she gives me when she helps me release all the tension is great because after all the pain you just get so nice and loose. Now there are different ways to do things depending on how the person likes it. I'm suprised she didnt ask you if you want it hard (not trying to be dirty) or just be more gentle. Reina used to go easy on me until i asked her can you be any more firm. Man i asked for it :) It is completely great though.

When you come down to visit me i'll bribe you to spend an hour with reina she'll make you feel alot better without all the icky smelly oil and the stupid robe :).

Bill Wheatley said...
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